For Future Moms

Here's a thought from my twenty-something self: 

"I'd love to be a mom ... someday. Right now, though, I'm LOVING life! I've dated some nice guys, even though I'm not sure any of them are marriage material. Not there yet. But yeah, one day, I'd like to be a mom."

This is my 20-something self with my sister & brother at his high school graduation:

   

Life was good! Things were fun! Wow, I looked skinny! But let's fast forward a few years.

Now here's a thought from my thirty-something self:

"I'm a wife, mom, crazy busy, trying to fit in workouts, worried that we eat out too much, taking the kids to the library, happy that they love to read, worried that they stare at screens too much, hoping I can love my kids well, and definitely always praying for them and praying for wisdom."

This is me on my latest thirty-something birthday:

When I think about my adventures in motherhood, I look back and wonder how much heartache I could have avoided if someone had shared with me some "mothering secrets" when I was in my 20s.

My mom was a great example. And I certainly felt prepared to be a mom in many ways, thanks to her. 

But no one prepared me for what happens between "regular woman" and "woman who had a baby." We're talking body changes that happen when you're pregnant, other changes after the baby's born, arguments with your husband about co-sleeping, breastfeeding, c-sections, VBACs, etc.

No one prepared me for that because who thinks about that stuff when you're enjoying college and dealing with life in your 20s?

Not even during pre-marital counseling do you really dive into the topic of "what happens when you become a mom."  

We discussed whether we both wanted kids, budgeting, dealing with the in-laws, all good things, all good things.  ;)

But it would be nice if someone warned husbands-to-be during premarital counseling that their wives-to-be can get CRAYYY--ZY when they're pregnant. 

The struggle (and the cravings) are real.

It would also be nice for girls to be better prepared for all the challenges that lie ahead for those who will be moms.

I thought, it would be cool to share some of my hard earned "mothering secrets" with college-age girls who might want to be moms someday.

Needless to say, when I was invited to speak about "Mothering" at Sparkle, an awesome college girls Bible study at Second Baptist Church Woodway Campus, I jumped at the chance! 

What happened, however, was that I ended up with a message that spoke to me almost more than what I hoped to share with the girls.

I'm sharing that message here, because maybe, just maybe, what I felt God put on my heart might be the "mothering secret" that comes in handy for you later.

Since I was speaking at a Bible study, here are the verses that went along with the topic of Mothering:
 

Proverbs 31:26, 28

26"When she speaks, her words are wise,

and she gives instructions with kindness."

28"Her children stand and bless her.

Her husband praises her..."

We'll come back to those verses. First, I asked the college girls to think about their "Ideal Life Plan."
 
At what age would you like to get married?
At what age would you like to have kids & become a mom?
Do you want to be a stay at home / work from home / work outside the home mom?
 

I thought I'd get married & have kids in my mid to late 20s. 

(Side note: My mom put A LOT of pressure on after I turned 24. Why 24? That was the age she had me! And why wasn't I married already? I needed to start having kids. STAT!) 

Yeah, that was fun. ;)
 

A few years later, I met this guy named Adam in church & we totally hit if off ... as friends. Our friendship grew. Then we really hit it off! ❤️💜❤️ He proposed (in a super romantic Christmas kind of way!) We got married and went to Disney on our honeymoon. #Magical

But remember that "Ideal Life Plan"? Unexpected changes can happen.

Our "Ideal Life Plan" was: 

Wedding/Honeymoon/New apartment/Wait 5 years/Have kids.

What actually happened was:

Wedding/Honeymoon/New apartment/brain tumor/job offer/healing/pregnancy/relocation.

Did you notice the "brain tumor" part? 

Yeah, that was totally unexpected. 

But during that unsettling time, I felt like God spoke to me through a journal where I had written down Deuteronomy 7:12-15 -- 

12“If you listen to these regulations and faithfully obey them, the Lord your God will keep his covenant of unfailing love with you, as he promised with an oath to your ancestors. 13He will love you and bless you, and he will give you many children. He will give fertility to your land and your animals. When you arrive in the land he swore to give your ancestors, you will have large harvests of grain, new wine, and olive oil, and great herds of cattle, sheep, and goats. 14You will be blessed above all the nations of the earth. None of your men or women will be childless, and all your livestock will bear young. 15And the Lord will protect you from all sickness. He will not let you suffer from the terrible diseases you knew in Egypt, but he will inflict them on all your enemies!"

I wrote that down in my journal, shortly after my new husband's brain tumor surgery. We had appointments with oncologists and a neurosurgeon to follow up on a craniotomy and gamma knife surgeries.

Just a few short months after that, I re-read that journal and was blown away that God had not only healed Adam and given him a clean bill of health, but I was pregnant, we were relocating thanks to a new job offer that pretty much tripled (plus a bit extra) our current income ... it was crazy!!!

I was like WHAT??? Thank you, LORD!!! Wow God!!

I was SUPER excited because I was going to be a MOM! 

Thank you, Lord, for "loving and blessing us and giving us many children!" (See Deuteronomy 7!) 

Ok, so we weren't having many children yet. We were starting with the one. :) 

But I felt like this was a GREAT time in our lives to become parents. 

I was ready to be a mom. 

Adam and I both believed that God had spoken to us as we prayed through the brain tumor ordeal, the job offer, the relocation. We prayed, prayed, prayed, prayed and prayed some more.

We both had peace and saw God provide in miraculous ways. Everything we needed, God provided. When things went great and when the road got bumpy, we kept turning to the Lord, praying, and seeing Him move. 

We had moved away from family for our first baby. Yet somehow, with a new job in a new town and a new church, we ended up with THREE baby showers and surrounded by more love than we had ever expected from people who had been strangers just a few months before.

Wow God.

I was ready to go into labor and get this mom thing officially started. I couldn't wait to meet my little boy, Christopher! Come on, already!!

But here comes the "Ideal Life Plan Can Get Messed Up" thing again.

Remember that the unexpected can happen? Yeah, my all-natural, beautiful, non-medicated, drug-free birth turned into an emergency c-section after about 26 hours of labor and a rush of medical people in our hospital room, frantically trying to find Christopher's heartbeat and wondering why my blood pressure was dropping so low.

I was not ready to be a mom like that!

But there I was, shaking (cuz that happens after birth), trying to nurse my infant, recover from a c-section and start this "mom thing." 

It was definitely a rocky start.

It felt like I kind of limped forward a little each day (when in my mind, I was going to kick off this new mom life with more of a joyful, glowing sprint.)

My hubby and I did our best. We prayed. We made mistakes. We tried again. We lost our temper. We forgave each other. We tried to stay close as a couple, at the same time that this adorable baby boy Christopher was consuming almost every waking moment! 

Since those early "first mom" days, God has blessed us with our daughter Allyson and I have continued to grow as a mom.

I wish my 20-something self knew then even a fraction of what would lie ahead; both the mom-things you can prepare for and how to deal with the unexpected.

I can't go back in time and do that. 

But I did share with my Sparkle college girls.

(And since you're reading my blog -thanks!- I'm sharing with you, too!)

The three most meaningful "mothering secrets" I have learned are:

1. Grow closer to God
2. Grow closer to your husband (2become1)
3. Build a strong community

This is where we revisit those Bible verses: Proverbs 31:26 and 28.
 
First, as you grow closer to God, you'll find that the source of all Wisdom and Kindness loves you and is here with you. He can give you all the wisdom and kindness you need to be a mom.

Wisdom comes especially handy when it comes to making decisions like staying home with the baby or going back to work; what to do with your budget; etc...

Kindness is much needed, especially when you want to throw the remote control at that cute framed picture you hung on the wall because your precious little infant will not ... stop...crying...and...you... can't ... take ... it.

God can fill you with kindness when you need it most.

Second, as you grow closer to your husband, you will be stronger together to handle all the changes that come with being a mom (and being a dad!) 
 
Like God's word tells us, a three-strand cord is not easily broken.

You'll find, like Proverbs 31:28 says, as you grow closer to your hubby, you'll discover that "her husband praises her" will be a dream come true. How could your future hubby not praise you, his wife, when you are a three-strand cord, not easily broken, and you are a godly woman, filled with God's wisdom and kindness? It works!

Finally, as you build a strong community, you will find that being a mom is way better when you are surrounded by people who love you and your new little family.

Adam and I had moved from our home, Puerto Rico (where we had a seemingly endless supply of family and friends), to California (where we knew one family because they were friends with my sister.) That was it.

Surprisingly, in a short amount of time, I got to know my co-workers and we made amazing friends at our new church. 

Not only did we make new friends for life (and had built-in friends for playdates for Christopher through our friends' kids), but we had support during the pregnancy (3 baby showers!) 

We also had help finding support to help me recover both physically and emotionally from a c-section through ICAN, the International Cesarean Awareness Network. (It really is a thing! And God used them to change my life.)

Another benefit of community is what Proverbs 31:28 says about how children will bless their mom.

It's easy to see how your children will bless you as their mom when you build a loving, caring community for them. When you have people around you to gather and celebrate each other's baby showers, births, birthdays ... and you have people to help and pray for you when things get difficult, your children will bless you for that.

I wish someone had told me, when I was a college student, how hard some parts of mothering would be. Leaving your 6 WEEK old infant to go to back work was unbearable.

There are many parts of mothering that are hard. Really, really hard. 

Even now, I still regularly feel guilty. I feel like I'm not a good mom. Many moms feel that way (at least the ones I've talked to.)

But as I prepared to share about "mothering" with the awesome Sparkle Bible Study girls, I felt like God spoke to me. (I actually wasn't expecting that!)

As I read Proverbs 31, prayed and sought God to see what HE wanted me to share, He left me with my jaw on the floor, as I realized that:

I have a husband who praises me.
My children bless me (they're huge blessings!) 
I have wisdom on tap! (And I need it 24/7)
I'm growing in kindness more each day (and I need to keep growing)
 
And I have direct access to the source of everything I need. 

The amazing thing is, YOU can have all this, too.

As a Sparkle college girl, a future mom, a 20-something hopeful for the future, you can take those "mothering secrets" with you.

Grow closer to God each day.

Grow closer to your hubby (eventually.) ;)

And build a strong community of family and friends.

You will have what you will need as a mom. And for your life.

Thank You, Lord. 🙏🏻❤️