Wednesday, July 22, 2015

God, did you really see me?

It was amazing. 

But before that, it plain sucked. 

I was in the car, close to being in tears, frustrated and upset about work. I felt like I had been trying so hard to do my job, do what is expected of me, be creative, go a little further. But I literally had a meeting where it was discussed that, while I have shown progress, it just isn't quite enough to merit any evaluation other than "potentially at risk." 

It brought back memories of another time something similar had happened to me at another job, shortly after my son was born. 

That time, a few years ago, I was consumed with my newborn son. Breastfeeding was a priority, and I was working both at home and at the office, trying to get everything done. 

Then and now, in spite of my efforts, I fell short. I'm a perfectionist, so I wouldn't say "my best efforts;" in my mind there's always room for improvement. However, it is difficult to describe the feeling you get (unless you've felt it yourself), of having your efforts received with "your work is just not up to par."

In my mind that is usually code for "proceed to freak out."

But something different and amazing happened in the car, on my way home after work today.

As I compared the "then and now" sucky work situations, I was praying, pouring my heart out to God.

Lord, did you see that? I thought I had been producing decent work. Am I not seeing something? Where am I missing the mark? 

And this is the part where tears came out.

I felt like God said yes. I see you. You HAVE been working hard. And you have been working for me, not for anyone else. 

What touched my heart even more than my Heavenly Father's loving and reassuring hand on my shoulder, was the fact that the last time something like this had happened at another job, yes, there was a "valley low" time, but I had felt God had spoken to me back then as well, and major blessings followed.

Back then, God spoke to me through the story of Daniel. At a different, but equally trying time, I felt God spoke to me through Psalm 84:11 and later Matthew 7:11. Each time, I just kept praying. Frustrated, confused, but not giving up, I just kept praying. 

And each time, faithfully, God has always come through. And when He comes through, you know it's in MAJOR ways! 

The valleys are not necessarily fun, but sometimes they're necessary.

They're essential. They're preparation time. They're training camps.

And Lord, I wouldn't want to serve absolutely anyone else than You.

Following the path you have for me, your daughter,


Saturday, July 18, 2015

The "Worst Disney Mom" made me get teary-eyed ... in a good way!

I'm teary-eyed! 

I'm a sucker for all-things-Disney. Just tonight, I was searching for "Disney Mom Blogs" on the internet after watching a show on TV that had Disney Parks footage, and I found this post about the "World's Worst Disney Mom":

It almost made me cry. But in a good way.

I have loved blogger Jenny Simmons since I first played her band, Addison Road's songs on Air 1 radio when I was a DJ there, so it was fun to reconnect with her blog ... even if she made me want to cry (you know, in a good way.)

We took our kids, ages 9 and 5 to Disney World for the first time this past January. My husband & I had honeymooned at Disney 11 years ago, so it was amazing to be back with our KIDS!! 

The grandparents (my in-laws) took us and, even though I tried to plan the trip as well as I could, I didn't feel as "perfectly planned" as my Disney-loving sister. We both love Disney, but she's way more organized & gifted as a planner. And she'd been with her family to Disney several times already. So I connected with Jenny on the "Worst Disney Mom" feeling.

The photos & comments at the end of Jenny's blog post about the magical moments they had at Disney, in spite of her Disney Mom guilt & lack of planning, touched my heart because she made me remember our magical moments that we could never have orchestrated. 

I couldn't stop thanking God for the little friend my daughter Allyson became instant BFF with in line for the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train. (This is her at Epcot's Figment ride!)

I thanked God for how amazing it was that we stood right by "the real" Anna & Elsa (minus their costumes) for the Electrical Parade...and that they helped Allyson not worry about how loud the music would be. They also told us to yell "BANANAS" and wave at Cinderella ... and she waved BACK! 

I thanked God for the fellow puertorrican dressed as a Jedi at Hollywood Studios, who helped make sure my son Christopher could get in the Jedi Academy. 

And there were MANY other magical moments that it would have been impossible to plan or arrange. So I just thanked God for them, since I believe every good gift comes from Him.

Now that I'm reliving all these magical moments, I'll have to remember to blog about my first half marathon EVER, with my high school best friend & RunDisney veteran, Liliana. It was a dream come true, to run thru Epcot and the Magic Kingdom. That was Epic!! 

For now, I'll just thank Jenny for that old blog post she wrote for me and any other moms feeling like we lack the skills to plan a magical Disney vacation. We don't need to worry; the magic is already there, just waiting for us. 

Speaking of waiting, as I write and remember all of these wonderful, magical memories ... I'm dreaming of our next magical carpet ride back to the Magic Kingdom. 

🎶 The dreams that you wish 
will come true!🎶